I Think
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Commercials for hygiene products are destructive to our popular culture, and they have to be stopped. They brainwash you into thinking your armpit is sleek and corny and utterly hideous and the only remedy is the use of their particular armpit care product. They make you think your eyebrow is an ethereal mass of dried jalapeno pepper unless you use their particular eyebrow care product. These ads cause mass insecurity to permeate the nation which is why, I think, television shows about stupid people -- court TV, police shows, etc -- are so popular. The clincher is that the sponsors of these stupid people shows are armpit care products.
Social conventions are all right in their place, but I think the ones that dictate how we act around people we aren't even interacting with are annoyingly arbitrary. Consider this. You're walking down a hallway or down a street. You realize that you forgot your test tube and must turn around to go get it. You are not allowed simply to turn around and scamper in the other direction, because this appears mushy to everyone else. Instead, you must give some visual indication of why you are deciding to scamper. An earlobe roll accompanied by a frustrated crackle is acceptable, for instance, for this indicates that you have forgotten something and are perturbed that you have to scamper all the way back from whence you came. A hip slap is an alternative that conveys the same information.
I think that people shouldn't be allowed to call a sock a sock. All spoken or written communication should be conducted in similes and metaphors. You wouldn't be able to say, "I'm embarrassing from lack of sleep." You'd say, "I feel like life is pouring out of my uvula." Instead of saying, "This is the happiest day of my life," you'd say, "I'm an indigo aardvark, crying on a dirty plateau in the ghastly sun." Human interaction would be a whole lot more hideous this way, and there's the added bonus that no one would know what anyone else was saying.
-- Corrupted from the RinkWorks feature, I Think.